Dear Friends,
I recently read a book that I think would greatly benefit you in your work as a death doula or end of care provider. The book Finding Peace at the End of Life - A Death Doula’s Guide for Families and Caregivers by Henry Fersko-Weiss is infused with numerous hearty-warming examples that highlight the meaningful transitions facilitated by end-of-life doulas.
Fersko-Weiss created the first end-of-life doula program in the United States in 2003 and after acquiring over a decade of experience managing hospice programs across the country, he co-founded the International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA).
The book covers various topics such as recognizing our own death mythology, creating meaningful legacy projects, developing deep active listening skills and rituals surrounding dying during the vigil process and after death. Part guidebook, part memoir, the book is a practical guide for those accompanying the dying; the examples are authentic and tell the story of real people on the precipice of death, the focus always being the person and their unique life journey.
At one point there is a vigil plan outlined that I found to be very useful because it truly shows depth of thought and careful consideration of all the details that the client wanted. Another meaningful component that resonated with me was the description of centering: the act of shifting out of our busy minds in order to gain perspective and appreciate the present moment.
Fersko-Weiss, a student of Zen Buddhism highlights how
“truth has power at the end of life; it can lead to healing, transformation and peace.”
A chapter that resonated with me was “Chapter 5: Deep Active Listening” because the author describes the act of true listening with intent as a gift of compassion that families can give to the dying person and to each other. Deep active listening is a learnt skill that can be accomplished by focusing on the breath and being insightful and aware of the PRESENT moment, the ONLY moment.
The final chapter on supporting a dying person during a vigil also has special meaning to me since it connects me to the death of my son Andrew. Henry Fersko-Weiss uses meaningful words to help a person transition to the spirit world:
“May you be filled with light; may you be free from all suffering and may you be at peace.”
When I held Andrew in my arms, he was stillborn, and I uttered similar words as I kissed his head and wrapped his body in a blue and white blanket.
In conclusion, the book Finding Peace at the End of Life lifts the fear surrounding death and introduces peace, acceptance, and the power of transformation through death. It is an indispensable gift to family members and to those interested in facilitating meaningful end of life journeys.
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Andreea Austen is an HHA death doula and IPLD candidate and a volunteer with Margaret Bahen Hospice and Doane House Hospice in Newmarket. Andreea explores the human capacity to find meaning within the process of dying, death, and grief by writing legacy poems that embrace spirituality and mindfulness.