Dear Friends,
I recently read a wonderful book that I would like to share with you called I Can’t Stop Crying by John Martin. What prompted me to read this book was that a lot of the grief counselling books that I have read so far have been centered around the person who is actively dying.
As a graduate of the HHA death doula certificate program, I believe that a well-rounded death doula should have the tools to be able to comfort all involved in active dying and that includes their loved ones.
I found the following quote from this book to be particularly powerful:
“You need to find ways to express your hurt. You need to give yourself permission to get rid of your awful feelings of anger, despair and sadness. The sooner you let them out, the sooner you will begin to heal yourself and move on. Cry, scream get angry, find someone who will listen and stay close to you.”
This really resonated with me. Oftentimes we are told to not feel sad, that it wouldn’t be what your loved one would want for you after they have died. I believe this is a hard pill to swallow. When you are actively grieving it is best to let go of these preconceived notions and feel your feelings. Sometimes a person needs permission to not be okay and this book validated these feelings.
While this book was originally intended for coping with the loss of a partner, it has later been updated to reflect that the loss can be more than just a loved one, it can be the loss of a future, the loss of a routine, the loss of a vocoation. Grief is not only defined by a physical loss, but rather an emotional one too. This book seeks to help the reader come to terms with their loss and be okay with feeling it out. A great tool for starting your grief journey!
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Gabrielle Lahaie graduated from Brock University with a B.A. Hon and attended Humber College for their Funeral Service Education program. She has been active in the Death Care industry since 2019, helping families deal with loss and grief.
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