CHECK OUT: The In-Between

Dear Friends,

I just finished reading the most wonderful non-fiction book called The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos. Hadley earned her Registered Nursing degree at the age of 22 working in immediate care in Florida USA. She soon moved into Hospice Care for individuals who preferred to die at home. She refers to this her “calling”.

I am training to become a death doula. I have only witnessed one person die and that was my mother. The training does not provide shadow work so the first time I help a client die, will be my first experience of dying other than that of my mother. I must say that I am a bit nervous about that, what to expect and whether I will be able to handle this line of work.

In addition to getting to know Hadley and what a kind and compassionate person she is, in this book she also summarizes the final days/moments of twelve of her patients. Although each patient has a unique story and they are from different backgrounds, including different spiritual or religious beliefs, there are common threads throughout their dying experiences.

Visitations by deceased loved ones are such a common phenomenon that the Company Hadley worked for developed a pamphlet for the patient’s families to prepare them called “Gone from My Sight”. Those close to the patient that witness these visitations often believe the patient is hallucinating from drugs or going crazy. But these visitations are lucid and very matter of fact, they are not hallucinations.

Other common occurrences relate to energy. Patients often experience energy surges when they are very close to death. They may suddenly appear as though they are getting better, perhaps they haven’t spoken for days and then they become lucid for a short period of time. Those attending with the dying may experience a shift in the energy, a feeling in the room that changes when the patient dies.

It also appears that the dying patient chooses when they die and with whom. There are so many stories of loved ones arriving just in the nick of time, or hitting multiple roadblocks that prevent the loved one from attending the death, or the loved one holding a vigil only to leave briefly to shower or eat and they miss the passing. These are not coincidences.

Hadley’s experiences have led her to believe there is something more beyond death. She gives details about this with two of her patients in the book where it appears that their spirit somehow intervened with the living. This is a form of Divine Intervention, and it is very comforting to believe that our loved ones are still around even when they are no longer here in physical form.

In addition to gaining some insight into the dying moments, this book helps to teach a person how to be a good Death Doula. Throughout Hadley’s life she learned to take negative experiences and use them as learning tools of how never to treat a family member or patient. She learned that things do not always go the way she wants them to. Some things are out of her control, and you must not take such things personally. She also had to learn how to handle the stress that goes along with the job and how important it is to have good self-care, emotionally and physically.

I am so glad I stumbled upon this book. I feel that it has provided me with valuable experience and insight into dying. It has eased my fears and left me feeling much more prepared to be a good death doula. I think this is a beautiful read for anyone curious about what happens when we die, and it comes along with a side effect of seeing the power of kindness and compassion.