Dear Friends,
I have just finished reading a book of poetry by Nova Scotian author Sheree Fitch entitled You Won’t Always Be This Sad: A Book of Moments. I am a person who is particular about poetry and the title of the book did give me pause. Often I find that books about grief tend towards looking at the positive and towards a time when the pain will not be as raw. Books such as these sometimes cross the line towards minimizing grief and assuming a linear pattern of healing or assuming healing at all. I was pleasantly surprised that Fitch weaves her complicated grief throughout the text. The title becomes a mantra throughout the book without shrinking from how her grief ebbs and flows. She also taps into the way grief is layered and the importance of community support. You Won’t Always Be This Sad is a nuanced account of the author’s loss and grief journey written in a way that gives space for the reader’s own breath and reflection.
Her poetry centers on the loss of her adult son through what is believed to be an overdose. She relays the shock of the news, the dread and desire to see his body, and the constant rumination of conversations with her son.
You can’t lose the music/ because you know, Mama, you can’t lose the music.
This line from page 84 is another mantra that is laced throughout the text as she recalls meeting others in grief. She intersperses her standard poetry and journal-like entries with pages that illustrate the enormity of her emotions. For example, page 40 is a black and white page divided by a thin line, with large, bold text, stating simply and effectively that she is “DROWNING.” Well past the middle of the text, Fitch reiterates, but does not apologize for her continuing grief. “Should I confess/ I am not my best self/ I am my beast self/ that sorrow has unleashed… - oh am I repeating myself?” (p. 151). Being unapologetic about her grief is a strong statement in a society where we can be often made to feel as if we are not grieving in the ‘best’ way. She staunchly shows that grief can look like many different ways without necessarily following any straightforward stages.
Fitch also dedicates a portion of her writing to describing how her community has moved with her through grief. She discusses what she terms as “Marys”, named after Jesus’ mother, who also felt the pain of the death of her son. “I know Mary as all the/ GRAND MOTHERS/ the ones who live beyond life/ come to us/ in the hours of need” (p. 109). She speaks of all the Marys she has known, including her own mother, who knew how to speak to her spirit in the midst of her despair. The importance of community care was especially heartening to see highlighted for myself as it reflects my own belief that death and mourning is much more difficult without support.
I found Fitch’s book to be the strongest when her pieces were less committed to standard poetry styles. Her thoughts and reflections written in long prose gives depth to her book and experiences. In any case, the book is an easy text to read but much more challenging for the heart as most things involving grief.
---
Kym Nacita is an HHA death doula candidate.