The announcement that no one prepares a family experiencing pregnancy or infant loss for, is the death of their baby. Loss associated with a child or pregnancy carries its own set of rules when telling family, friends and co-workers. Many bereaved parents struggle with sharing the news due to this sensitive factor, along with the fact that they are also trying to adjust and come to terms with the loss as well. This is where an Infant and Pregnancy Loss Doula can assist the family by providing resources; or if the family needs, drafting sample birth loss announcements or an obituary.
For a birth loss announcement, simple is always a good rule of thumb. Families don't have to share more than what they're ready to share and there is no timeline on when to share this devastating news. For example, "We had a miscarriage, and wanted you to know, but we are not ready to talk about it yet." is perfectly fine. This offers the information up in a clear and concise way, as well as keeps those who would want to press the bereaved parents about more information at bay, until they feel ready to talk. Most birth loss announcements are communicated through email or social media; and families might want to order post card template announcements to mail out to family and friends. Another option is to support the family in writing the birth loss announcement and then encourage the parent/s to ask a trusted friend to share the news. Having someone else spread the word could take the pressure off of the devastated parent/s. Some parent/s choose to close with a paragraph letting people know how they want to handle the loss going forward. If the parent/s have any specific wishes or expectations, this is the place to share those.
Here are a few examples of birth loss announcement examples that you might want to include in your IPLD resources:
The exciting moments of pregnancy have turned to sorrow and heartfelt loss with the death of our baby (name) on __________. Please feel free to talk to us about (name), who we wish to remember as the child we love, not a secret to be kept silent. We know our hearts will take time to heal, and we appreciate your care and support in our grief. For ways to support us, please reach out (name) who will be aiding us at this time.
It is with heavy hearts we announce we are no longer expecting a child. Our son/daughter was lost to miscarriage on (date). He/she was a beautiful, perfect baby who will always live on in our hearts. We take comfort in knowing (name) is now watching over us from beyond. Unfortunately, we are not ready to go into great detail about (name) at this time. We would appreciate some privacy and time to heal and grieve. Any updates will be shared through (name) who is supporting us at this time. Thank you for your prayers during this difficult time.
Share the baby’s name; Born Sleeping; date and time of birth; weight
A baby’s obituary seems like something that could end up being quite short – but that isn’t necessarily the case. Baby obituaries will often include similar information that you’d find in an adult’s obituary. An obituary for an infant should include the child’s full name (or Baby ‘Surname’ if the family has chosen not to name the baby), birth date, and the transition or date of passing, which provides a clear framework. Naming the parents, siblings, and sometimes grandparents or other close relatives adds a sense of family connection and support. A short phrase or sentence about the love and joy the child brought, however brief their time; honors their memory. Families often include a meaningful message, memory, or a comforting sentiment in a newborn’s obituary, such as describing the baby as “forever loved” or “an angel now watching over us.” Some families have a public or private ceremonial event; and some do not. Details about any end-of-life ceremonies, or suggestions for honoring the baby—such as donations to a charity or a remembrance fund—can also be included; allowing loved ones a way to support the family during this difficult time. While having to write this is painful at the time, in future years it can bring some comfort. The obituary can be kept in a memory box, with stillbirth/birth certificate and other precious items.
Here are two examples of a baby’s obituary for a stillbirth:
(Name) was born silent on (date). (Name) was the deeply treasured and longed for baby of (parent/s names). S/he leaves behind her/his sweet (sibling/s name/s) and her/his loving grandparents, (names). The family spent treasured time together before saying goodbye’. Your presence and support at our child’s Remembrance Ceremony would be appreciated. Date/Time of Ceremony and details.
Baby (name), beloved daughter/son of (parents) and brother/sister to (siblings) (include grandparents, and note if this was their first grandbaby) was born sleeping on (date) at (hospital). *Here you can include such information as: hopes and dreams for who s/he would become, how the name was decided, the connection to the baby during pregnancy, etc.
Our lives were touched by her /his struggle to be here. We are blessed to have gotten to know him/her; no matter how brief the time. Please keep us in your thoughts as we come to terms with our lives here without (baby’s name).
Here are some websites for baby obituary examples you could include in your IPLD resource package:
Pinterest also has templates for baby obituaries
There are many options for printed and e-birth loss announcement templates, digital funeral announcements and obituary templates for bereaved families. Here are some Etsy accounts for templates (purchased):
Blue Clouds Funeral Program for Baby/ Editable Infant Obituary Template
Babylovo Funeral invitation for baby - funeral service invitation cards & program - digital funeral announcement
Design Beauty Reveals Baby Loss Digital Announcement for Miscarriage or Stillbirth
Deerly Designed Baby Stillborn Announcement
Helena Elena Art Stillborn Baby Twins Memorial Service or Birth Announcement,
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.” Rumi
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Kelly Hurley is a HHA graduate and has an Infant and Pregnancy Loss Doula practice in British Columbia. You can learn more about her at bio.site/withgracekellyhurley or https://www.withgracecranbrookfunerals.com/
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